The Art of Losing Someone

Falling in love is simple yet complicated. For me, it happened unintentionally... I fell into it and loved it. But sometimes relationships don't always pan out the way we wanted them to. We fight, we argue, we love, make love, fear, dance, embrace, shy away, and even fall apart. Now, it is the falling apart that I will speak on today...

There is an art to losing someones, someone you loved and still love deeply. By no means is it easy, but it is an art, a process, a logical, spiritual and emotional journey. You'll embrace many different emotions, ranging from love, sadness, anger, self loathing, happiness then sadness again. It does take time to "get over" that person, however, what I realized for myself is when you shared a deep bond with that person, the ending is even harder.

First off, admit and forgive. Not just the other person, but yourself. Be honest with yourself, remind yourself that you were a piece in the unsuccessful relationship and come to terms with that. None of us are saints, and there's always something to learn from the relationship about yourself...always. For instance, I learned that I didn't listen as much as I thought I did. The relationship consisted of me talking and wanting the other person to be like me. I was wrong in my actions and thoughts. I failed to truly appreciate and love everything about him (good and bad) even though I thought I did.

Secondly, you may experience moments of weakness such as wanting to talk to them often or wanting to see them. Even after you and the other person have come to terms with what was wrong in the relationship, what both of you could of done differently, and how you both need time to grow, your urges to see that person may not dissipate the way you expected them to, thus allowing you to want things that perhaps you should ignore. I often try to justify my wants with I'm telling myself I'm taking a chance. If he says yes, then yes and if he says no, then no. But have you thought about how these thoughts and/or actions will impact you in the long-run? It's easy to give in, it's easy to convince yourself that you're finally taking chances that you never had the balls to do before, but are these healthy decisions for yourself?

That question should be easy to answer, but if you're going through a fresh break up where you thought life made sense, then maybe not so easy. Your metaphysical self needs time to process everything--from unpleasant to pleasant. However, sometimes our physical selves think that it knows best for what we truly want. This is where you experience what I like to call the self-imposed push-pull cycle. One moment you're pushing yourself into the "right" direction (which many may say is away from that person) and the next you're allowing yourself to be drawn into that person by your memories, your future wants, or even your present desires.

Thirdly, love your self. Self-actualization, appreciation, understanding, and honesty are the foundations of truly loving yourself. Sometimes it's hard to learn to love yourself if you were so used to someone else loving you for you. Now is the time for you to love you for you, no other way. If you start by doing step one, you might understand yourself faster, realize your worth and strength even faster, and fall in love with yourself the fastest. I believe that what we all search for lies within ourselves already. So that warmth, that love, that appreciation, that happiness you seek from someone else is already inside of you. There's no reason to search, just simply sit and experience yourself.

Fourthly, don't lock yourself up in cage of sadness and regret. Continue to live your life, to meet other humans, and to live with the energy that flows through you and the cosmos.



Being in a relationship is a challenge, especially if you're the kind of person who thinks long-term like me. But the reality is that relationships don't have to be a challenge. Finding yourself can take a life time, but if you and the other person know yourselves enough, then your journey can be made separate, yet together. Just be honest, trust yourself and one another, do not fear yourself, the other person or even love itself. Simply just live. Our minds make it hard for us to live, but once you feel a glimpse of what it's like to truly live, you'll never want to sit again.



Being alone is tough but love has never left you, your God hasn't left you, and if you're lucky enough neither has your support system. And if that person you still love so deeply ever comes back around, perhaps it can work and be even better than the first. But work on you, love yourself, and know that love will always have your back.

Remember that the inner surrender leads to the highest truth.

Namaest.